Famous For What?

As this blog is shaping up as a series of lists, followed through with another describing what Rhode Island is best known for:

Cabinets & Grinders: Not at all what you think, they mean something different to locals than power tools or wooden caseworks. "Cabinets" describe milkshakes (often coffee ice cream, syrup and milk, always blended), whereas grinders are elongated sandwiches, otherwise known as “submarines”, subs for short. During last century Italian immigrants set up shops near shipyards and assembled these torpedo shaped lunches. They called shipbuilders who ground rivets “grinders”, and somehow the name transferred to the sandwiches with which they stuffed their faces, though some argue teeth needed to eat these chewy monsters had to be the real grinders, thus the name. Lexicographers also dispute the origin of cabinet; some say it had to do with the blender being stored in a wooden cabinet at pharmacy’s fountain. But it could be a bastardization of the word “carbonate”. Rhode Islanders speak in an odd dialect, a cross between Boston and Brooklyn, that confuses an “r” with an “ah” sound and vice versa; for example, chowder, a kind of soup, is pronounced “chowdah”, whereas idea is “ideer”. So ordering an ice cream soda may have sounded like “cahbinat”. Speaking of ships, Narragansett Bay and Rhode Island Sound reputably have more wrecks per square mile than anywhere on either coast. During WWII, Kaiser Shipyards in Fields Point hung massive signs that read, “On to Nippon”. Ironically, by the 1970’s, Field’s Point became a major port for unloading cars imported from Germany and Japan. Maybe that’s why the generation before held onto gruesome August holiday Victory (VJ) Day, only celebrated here, which commemorates ending war with Japan by the nuclear destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Celebrities - Actors, authors, composers, filmmakers, rock stars, and sports people have prowled its streets for centuries. Ghosts of H. P. Lovecraft and Edgar Allen Poe haunt Providence’s East Side to tunes by George M. Cohan, Nico Muhly, and Talking Heads. Dozens of movies have been made here. Offspring of A-listers attend area colleges. Venues for MLB, MLS, NBA, NFL and NHL franchises and several farm teams are all within 50 miles. Yet it’s no match for New York, where such sightings are commonplace. And residents can’t claim any credit or glory by mere association.

Firsts - Given its diminutive size, you’d think staying ahead of the curve would be easy: fewer to convince and lower costs to implement. Rhode Island was first to declare independence from and strike a blow against British rule, but last to join other 12 colonies to form The United States. It was, however, the first to ban slave trade at which it formerly excelled. The Blackstone Canal was North America’s inaugural civil engineering project, though the Viking Tower in Newport is believed to be its oldest structure (est., 1120 A.D.). US-1 runs right though, built atop the Boston to New York Highway, nation’s original Post Road. Even older is Great Road, RI’s first, begun in 1683, where Arnold House (stone ender shown in pretty autumn colors increasingly harder to find) can be counted among RI’s half dozen 17th Century homes still standing having survived over 3 centuries of fires and wars. Now that's remarkable; despite modern restoration, they make history palpable along with other architecture from every era.

The industrial revolution started here with Slater’s cotton mill powered by waterwheels in the mighty Blackstone River. Before anywhere else in America, RI judge Darius Baker jailed a motorist for speeding recklessly at 15 mph. Nation's first golf open, jazz festival, lawn tennis tournament, and outdoor polo match were held in RI. United Nuclear in Richmond was the only place in America where a nuclear explosion occurred outside a controlled environment. Adjacent Massachusetts recently garnered firsts for permitting same sex marriages, something Rhode Island’s catholic majority will forever condemn, and providing state sponsored health insurance, which Rhode Island left to abundant insurers once Obama signed it into federal law. Healthcare had already been its fastest growing business sector, rivaling finance, still number one, home to banks and brokerages. Some federal pilot programs were also tried, though nobody seems to remember them. Rhody has yet another chance to be first, to complete its leg of the East Coast Greenway System from Florida to Maine before any other state; only a few miles remain, but will is weak to designate a corridor through Pawtucket and Providence, or link Coventry and Woonsocket to adjacent states, even though ECGS has proven indispensable to commuters. “Hope” heads list as USA's shortest state motto, and "Rhode Island and Providence Plantations" its longest, most controversial name.

Food - Culinary schools, hospitality industry, and resultant restaurants rely mostly on meats and produce provided from elsewhere, though champion pumpkins up to a ton are still grown. Only several dozen dairies, farms, orchards, and ranches remain, and they sell out all too soon. Farm-to-table initiatives and outdoor markets are nevertheless afoot, but drawn as much from CT and MA stock. Coffee milk was made its official drink in 1993, but only 1 local craft roaster makes a caffeine free syrup, and “plantations” never grew coffee beans. Rhode Island does have a greater concentration of colleges within a one hour drive than anywhere in nation, yet illiteracy hovers around 17%, among the nation’s worst, because politicians “import” unschooled Third Worlders, presumably for federal grants and minimum wage servitude.

Huge, interminable, wasteful projects - Over the course of a half century, expensive highway constructions chewed through state revenues like locusts across arid farmlands. First it was the small Greenwood Bridge over AMTRAK, which, for some inexplicable reason, took more than a decade to repair. Similarly, the Cranston Street underpass, but that was tied to Route 10 beltway improvements, which also took nearly a decade and yet seem incomplete. The so-called Q-way between RI-4 and Quonset began as a link from I-95 to a proposed container port, but design flaws meant all overpasses had to be raised for containers to pass beneath. In the end, the 2.5 mile stretch cost more than a quarter of a billion, 10 times more than the national average per highway mile. Meanwhile, a single mile of I-way across the Providence River cost 3 times as much. Similar figures for I-95 bridges across Blackstone River in Pawtucket didn’t deter in the least starting the Viaduct Project, RIDOT’s biggest boondoggle yet. Because they failed to keep up bridge cleaning and painting for decades, those existing deteriorated into a $1 billion unfunded snafu. All key RIDOT officials have been fired and positions are being refilled. Then there were civic and convention centers, sports stadiums, sweetheart deals for business startups, and such assaults on public trust. Taxpayers will be repaying for generations to come.

Jewelry & Sliverware - Indeed, there are 1,000 factories still in existence churning out baubles, bijoux, costume trinkets and toys, but silverware is long gone. Gorham, who fabricated the America’s Cup and served as foundry for 700 notable statues across the continent, may still be in business as a subsidiary of Lennox, but products are manufactured or sourced elsewhere. Empty mills being renovated into retirement living is more typical.

Obscure directions - If asked, long time residents will give you directions based on landmarks that may no longer exist, for example, “Turn past where Almacs used to be.” Luckily, cell towers are plentiful, so mapping via GPS obviates the need to ask the hostile, ignorant or senile.

Political corruption - For decades Federal Hill was the epicenter of New England mob activity. Dozens of lawmakers and at least one mayor have gone to prison because of what they did in office, not just general crimes. However, some endured terms despite miscarriages of justice; locals joke about buying judges. It took citizen advocacy groups like Common Cause to investigate and uncover. Gina Raimondo (shown, left center), one of only six women in the country currently serving as governor, made an unprecedented attempt to end excess pension entitlements and reign in costs. Kleptocracy and the rule by thieves have consequently slowed, though not yet altogether gone. Assets spirited away in a Winnebago could be recovered, but to what end?

Potholes & Road Rage: Boats unload onto train cars. Both construction and neglect impair flow. Highway planners add lanes and eschew tolls. Towns put red lights and stop signs at every intersection after numerous accidents. Truck dispatchers plot cheapest/shortest routes. What results is an interwoven knot, a traffic nexus, that beats alternately baked and frozen pavement to rubble and regularly forces vehicles to slow or stop. Expect to see drivers rolling well below speed limit in left lane, since it may be the only one passable given abundance of damage in lanes most used. This encourages passing on right, a proven hazard that catches blind spot and causes cutoffs. Add rubbernecking tourists who don’t know where to turn and residents who only use interstates to go the few miles between malls, it’s no wonder impatience mounts and vehicles reach turnpike speeds on the few remaining secondaries which resemble phony TV car ads. Some find it faster to bike around during rush hours. Maybe all this keeps housing costs reasonable compared to states adjacent. It often takes an hour on interstate to go the few miles from Attleboro line to Providence or Seekonk line to Washington Bridge. The knot tightens upon Nibbles Woodaway, the World’s biggest bug, and The Vortex, a sci-fi auto zone made real that eats space and time.

Tourism - In the gilded age of robber barons, they built in Newport a bunch of gaudy “cottages” (really rivaling European castles). Once they came under control of a trust, visitors were allowed to enter and gawk. Long ago the state’s capital during its slave trade days, eateries sprung up along Thames Street among Newport's wharves. Airport expansion in Warwick, bridges replacing ferries, legalized gambling at Jai Alai fronton, later Newport Grand casino, and presence of a naval base resulted in Newport becoming one of the nation’s top ten destinations. Rest of state has little to offer apart from bikeways, parks, and perhaps small pockets of charming quaintness, such as Bristol and Wickford, amidst urban blight, waste treatment plants, and working ports. You’d never guess there are over a thousand practicing professional artists, six hundred squeezed in ghost town Pawtucket, because even RISCA holds artists in contempt. A Percent for Art Law exists, whereby 1% of any government project is supposed to be set aside for art adornment, but only 0.01% has actually been allocated since enacted in 1980’s. Almost every installation was awarded to insiders and resulted in controversy, such as birdsong at Kent Courthouse and fine mist at Sundlun Airport Terminal. Even traditional realist bronzes get besmirched by blood, as was Christopher Columbus, heroic explorer and imagined villain. Nevertheless, visitors throng to Waterfire (shown), a tribal celebration along Providence's renovated riverfront, where scores of bonfires are lit in braziers standing above the flow for a delightful but temporary effect, while both live and recorded music blares and buskers and hawkers bust butts for a buck.

Units of Measure: Hardly a day goes by when someone isn't foolishly comparing size of Rhode Island to some other area: Asteroids, bigger cities in other states, regions on remote planets, and whatnot. Some wag combined micron, a basic unit of small measure, with “Rho Dialin”, how residents pronounce state’s name, and so coined the portmanteau “rhodialon” to indicate any vague area, roughly 1212 to 1776 square miles (3140 to 4600 square km), depending upon whether you include Narragansett Bay, which bisects state into so-called East and West Bay. In fairness, since residents designate a loosely defined South County area, there could also be a North Bay section from Providence to Woonsocket, but, obviously, that would seem too sensible, so will never happen. Providence is too high and mighty to get lumped into the likes of “the Bucket” Pawtucket, Lincoln, or “Loony Woonie” Woonsocket, all arguably better places to live despite hype.