Where Do You Stand?

Rhode Islanders abide, even enjoy, fascinatingly unique geographical names scattered across their tiny state, many bastardized from what they were once called by indigenous peoples: Narragansetts (Pawtuxet South to Point Judith), Niantics (Point Judith to Weekapaug), Nipmucs (Pawtucket toward northwest and Weekapaug westward into CT), Pequots (western RI border into CT), Sakonnets (Little Compton), Sauks ('yellow mud" people of Quonochontaug), Toskeyonke ("bridge/ford" people along shores of Pocasset River), Wampanoags (East Bay to Cape Cod), and whoever time seems to have so forgotten you can't find any mention on internet.

Traditionally costumed Narragansett woman attending a recent South County festival  (click on pictures to enlarge)

Indigenous place names were based on natural, physical, topological, and useful criteria observed in their annual migrations inland in summer with staple corn grown in protected fields, then to shore in winter with shellfish being an important but perishable part of diet protected from spoilage by cold. Shell nacre was worked into decorative beads, wampum, valued for trade.

In response to anemic articles one encounters, below are listed all of the most persistent and recognizable examples, each with its current name, how now pronounced, location in state, and "what it signified". Click link for enhanced details, lost labels, and variable spellings from Dr. Francis Joseph O'Brien, Jr. of Rhode Island USGenWeb Project.

Acoaxet [ah COKE sit] over Little Compton border in Wesport “at a fishing promontory beside fields and small pines”

Agawan [AG ah wahn] in East Providence, a "low place overflowed by water" where they beached canoes

Annaquatucket [an nah kwah TUCK it] in North Kingstown south of Wickford “at the end of a river”

Annawomscutt [an nah WOMS cut] Creek in Barrington “at the rock summit” or “ruler’s hill”

Apponaug [AP poh nog] village in Warwick “where he roasts oysters (shellfish)”

Aquidneck [uh KWID neck] including Middletown, Newport and Portsmouth, “a place on an island”

Antushantuck [AN tush AN tuck] Neck in Cranston, “a well forested place near oxbow in river”, now a necropolis with St. Anne’s and Pocasset Cemeteries

Ashaway [ASH ah way] in Hopkington, “land in the middle (between)”

Canonchet [cuh NON chet] in Narraganset, “place he (Canonicus) oversees/protects/rules”

Chepacet [cha PACH it] hamlet in Glocester, from an anecdote about a lost “devil’s purse”

Chepiwanoxet [chep eh WAN ox it] Island in East Greenwich, “a small separate place” possibly harboring spirits of the departed

Chibacoweda [chee bah co WEE dah] or Prudence Island, a “small place separated by a passage”

Chipuxet [chee PUCKS it] in South Kingstown, at “turning place where the stream divides”

Chisawannock [chee sah WAHN nock] Island in Bristol, “a principle fishing place”

Chopmist [CHOP mist] Hill in Scituate, from Chapomeset, still a “crossroads”

Cocumcussoc [caw cawms KWIS sick] Brook, now Stony Brook, in North Kingstown, "where there are small sharpening stones”; once an early 17th Century trading post, then a slave plantation, the likes of James Varnum and Nathaniel Greene turned Smith's Castle into a revolutionary camp within a hidden cove. Name persists as an undeveloped state park.

Conanicut [ko NAN eh kut] Island, now Jamestown, named for Narraganset Sachem Canonicus

Conimicut [kon NIM i cut] Point and village in Warwick, named for Canonicus’ granddaughter Quinimikit

Cooneymus [KOO neh mis] Cove on Block Island, a “long gravelly reef”

Cowesett [koh WEE set] in West Warwick, a “groves of pines"

Escoheag [ES koh hog] in West Greenwich, “at head of three rivers”

Hummocks [HUM mocks] in Portsmouth, an “enclosed area where fishing occurs”

Kickemuit [kick eh MEW it] in Warren, “where there’s a large spring”

Louisquissett [loo is KWIS set] or Loquassuck [lo KWAS sick] in Smithfield near lime quarries “where they meet” and suspect loquaciously discuss

Mashapaug [MASH ah pog] in Providence, a “large pond”

Massasoit [mass ah SOY it] Spring in East Providence, named for Wampanoag Sachem Wasamegin, who settlers called Massasoit, shown below encountering sanctimonious English Puritans

Matunuck [muh TOON nick] in Charlestown, an “observation hill”

Meshanticut [meh SHAN ti cut] Pond in Cranston, which still has “large trees beside brook”

Metacomet [met ah KOM et] Brook in East Providence “related to Massasoit’s clan”; Metacom, aka King Philip

Miantonomi [MY an toh NOH mee] Hill, etc. on Aquidneck, named for Sachem “who wages war”

Misquamicut [mis KWAHM eh cut] Beach in Westerly, “where salmon are”

Moosup [MOO sup] River in Foster, named for Narraganset sachem Maussup “Little Bird”, aka Pessicus

Moshassuck [moh SHASH uck] River in Providence, “a great marshy meadow” where they hunted moose

Nanaquaket [na na QUACK ut] Cove or Point in Tiverton, “where swamp dries up”

Napatree [NAP ah tree] Point in Westerly, once a "treed neck", but now a sand dune after past hurricanes 

Narragansett [neh ruh GAN set] Bay, People, and Town “where the river narrows”; and down Ocean Drive to end of Hazard Avenue there is Indian Rock, as depicted by A.T. Bricher, oil on canvas (1871). Indian is what settlers called natives because they thought their exploration landed them in Asia, unaware there was an intervening Western Hemisphere with two whole continents, homes to several more advanced civilizations than theirs.

Natick [NAY tick] in West Warwick, “home uphill”

Nausauket [NAW saw kit] in Warwick, “between outlets” to Greenwich Bay

Nayatt [NIGH at] in Barrington “at the point”

Neutaconkanut [NEW tah KON kuh nut] Hill in Providence “at the scant boundary” where land treaty negotiated with Roger Williams originally ended

Niantic [nigh AN tic] Avenue in Providence and Point Judith in Narraganset, a “point of land at the tidal estuary”

Ninigret [NIN eh gret] Park in Charlestown, named for a Niantic sachem

Nooseneck [NOOSE neck] Hill in West Greenwich, where there’s a “beaver pond”

Occupessuatuxet [OX cue pess uh ah TUCKS it] in Warwick “at a small cove on tidewater”, whence Hoxie

Papasquash [PA pa squash] Peninsula in Bristol, possibly "broken rocks", not "papoose squaw"

Pascoag [PASS ko] hamlet in Burrillville “where the river branches”

Paucatuck [PAW kah tuck] in Westerly “a divided stream”

Pawtucket [puh TUCK it] “place of waterfall”

Pawtuxet [puh TUCKS it] at border of Cranston and Warwick, “at a little falls”; applies to entire river inland with two branches to headwaters in Coventry and Scituate

Pesquamscot [pes KWAMS kit] Pond in Richmond, aka Worden's Pond, state's largest natural lake, where “a boulder is split”

Pettaquamscutt [pet tah KWAMS kit] Meeting Place in South Kingstown “at the round rock”; also by proximity applied to what's now Narrow River

Pocasset [poh CASS it] River in Cranston "where the stream widens"

Ponaganset [pon ah GAN sit] Reservoir in Foster at a "waiting place on the shore"

Potowomut [pot uh WAHM ut] in Warwick, a "long meadow where trading occurs"

Quidnessett [kwid NESS sit] in North Kingstown “at a small island”

Quidnick [KWID nick] in Coventry “at hill’s end”

Quonochontaug [KWAN uh kon tog] in Charlestown an “extended deserted place beside two adjacent long ponds”

Quonset [KWAN sit] Point in North Kingstown at “a long place by a shallow cove”

Sachuest [SAT choo est] in Middletown “at the little hill near the great hill” between which is Paradise Valley, a geological and naturalist mecca for late 18th Century impressionist painters, including George Bellows, Paradise Point, oil on canvas (1919), likely inspired by an area at northeast corner of Gardiner Pond along Hanging Rock Road. This plein air painting intentionally draws your eye to Sachuest Point barely seen to left on horizon.

Sakonnet [sah KON nit] Point in Little Compton with a “rocky outlet”; also people who resided there and river that flows south past there

Sapowet [sah POW it] Marsh in Tiverton, literally “wet mire”, now a bird sanctuary

Saugatucket [saw gah TUCK it] River in South Kingstown “at the outlet of the tidal river”

Scituate [SIT yoo it] Town “at the cold brook or springs”

Seekonk [SEE konk] estuary to Providence River “where black geese are”

Shannock [SHAN nock] Village in Richmond where “salmon fishing” is good

Shawomet [SHAW oh meht], now Warwick Neck, where there's a “spring on a tongue of land”, also applied by early settlers to a spit in Northern Portsmouth

Shickasheen [SHICK ah sheen] Brook in West Kingston providing a “great water spring”

Shumunkanuck [shoe mun KAH nuck] Hill in Charlestown, a “high refuge”

Suckatunkanuck [suck ah TUNK kah nuk] Hill in Johnston, once wooded with “dark colored rocks at summit”

Sneech [SNEECH] Pond in Cumberland with “rocks alongside or at outlet”

Sockanosset [SOCK ah noh set] Crossroad at a “dark colored small place” in Cranston; once a slate mine

Sowams [soh WAHMS] in Barrington, “land to the south”

Sqauntum [SKWAHN tum] Point in East Providence, “gateway to an angry god"”

Succotash [SUK koh tash] Point and Road in South Kingstown associated with “corn kernel pulp”, an important foodstuff

Tautog [tah TOG] Cove in Charlestown “where there are fish”; also applied to actual species of fish

Tiogue [TIE ohg] in Coventry, a “pond at low land”

Tippecanset [tip peh CAN sit] Pond in Exeter, a “small place at the great clearing”

Tockwotton [TOCK wot ton] Shore in East Providence at a “steep climb resembling a pounding mortar”

Tommaquaug [TOM ah kWAh] Brook in Hopkington, where "they who cut" butcher beavers

Touisset [too WEE set] a quiet corner of Warren where you “ford a stream”

Tunk [TUNK] Hill in South Scituate, is “wooded”

Usquepaug [US kah pog] on river at border of Richmond and South Kingstown “at the end of pond”

Wamponaug [WAHM poh nog] Trail in East Providence, after "People of the First Light (Dawn, East)" who greeted European settlers beside their Sachem Massasoit shown (1620), with deserved reservations but dutiful generosity. Ancestors of these pandemic infected pilgrims given unconditional refuge are now among the most vocal anti-immigrationists.

Wanskuk [WANS kuk] in North Providence at a “steep spot”

Wanamoisett [wah nah MOY sit] in East Providence, once “a good place to fish”

Watchaug [WATCH og] Pond in Charlestown "at hill country"

Watchemoket [watch uh MAH ket] Pond in East Providence “where there’s a great spring”

Weekapaug [WEEK ah pog] at Charlestown and Westerly, a “dividing line” between Niantic and Nipmuc tribes

Wesquage [WESS kwage] Pond at Bonnet Shores in Narragansett, a "cove where clay pots are made", now a wildlife refuge

Westconnaug [WEST con og] Reservoir near Clayville in Foster at “a long place”

Weybosset [way BAH set] Street in downtown Providence; “half way gets narrow”, as at a bridge

Wickaboxet [WICK ah box it] in West Greenwich "at the end of a small pond"

Wincheck [WIN check] Pond at Rockville in Hopkinton, "a pleasant place"

Winnapaug [WIN nah pog] in Westerly, a “good pond”

Woonasquatucket [woo NAH skwa TUCK it] River flows from Smithfield into Providence River “at head of the tidal river”

Woonsocket [woon SOCK it] city at a “steep spot with two rivers”

Wyoming [why OH ming] in Richmond; “large prairie” name much later imported from Delaware language, so not native

Yawgoog [YAWH goo] in Hopkinton on “one side of pond”

Rhode Island founder Roger Williams, exiled from congregation and outnumbered by locals, naturally became interested in Narraganset (Algonquian) language, so he codified A Key Into the Language of America (1643) from oral phonetic into originally written. His healthy respect helped preserve many old place names that gave food hints and useful facts; property ownership was not their priority. Ones that stuck refer to bays, brooks, coves, lakes, parks, ponds, rivers, roads, and whatever nobody owns. If they could build on it, upstart settlers would've tagged it meaninglessly and taken for themselves. English and French brazenly or ignorantly overwrote majority with port towns names from old world for no sensible reason or used own surnames to claim property. Ego, insecurity, or sociopathy obviously played a role. Nobody can go back and stop them from despoiling environment and violating treaties, but you can today organize resistance, stay vigilant, and stop tyrants before they destroy democracy, ruin rule of law, and strip rights from you.

Despots through history renamed places (i.e., Gulf of Mexico to Gulf of America, or Tsaritsyn to Stalingrad) to confuse, cower and dominate citizens. Williams also wrote extensively on the misuse of executive and governmental powers. The Bloudy Tenent of Persecution for Cause of Conscience (1644) was a source for First Amendment of the United States Constitution guaranteeing free speech, though currently under shocking attack through restrictive executive orders with specious lawsuits brought against investigative journalists, media outlets, news reporters, private colleges, and whoever challenges their ruthless campaign to seize authoritarian rule. You stand at an inflection point where the worst of history tries to repeat itself.

John Wilderming of the National Gallery noted, "At the center of all its contrasts the Rhode Island landscape has been abidingly benevolent... making us feel that little separates the real from the ideal... How could it be otherwise in a state which has place names like Prudence, Patience, Providence, Hope, and Paradise [respectively, bay islands, capitol city, hamlet in Scituate, and valley on south shore of Middletown]?" Elite residents have fought for decades to limit or remove detrimental core industries, thus impoverishing factory workers and other laborers. Lack of housing and jobs suits multigenerational multimillionaires just fine, not their problem, since they prefer untended fields and wild woods separating them from hungry humans and neglected needy.

"Pendemic" Polemic

Babies are adorable, no? So what happens meanwhile to produce so many homely and misshapen adults? Diet fads, expensive cosmetics, gyms visits, and plastic surgery wouldn't ferry vast majority into vicinity of beauty with decent skin, narrow waist, nice hair, and proportionate figure. Although clothing creates a desirable illusion, are people allowing themselves look grotesque on purpose? Looking like a movie star just invites unwanted attention. Plus it's hard to maintain for too little gain. Anyway, bar to hurdle is too low to bother among obese subhuman crews in ragged wear with greasy hair and gross tattoos. And, as abundantly apparent, every pinch of exterior surface can also be pierced, though good looks aren’t necessary to be effective or superior, so you shouldn't care.

Toned up spandex cyclists tempt wrong types. Yet bicycling has become the exercise of choice among furloughed workers who can’t afford to drive, don’t own home gyms, and rather distance themselves from public spaces and subways. Former “governator” and self quarantined septuagenarian Arnold Schwarzenegger endorses cycling wholeheartedly. Safe distance for bicyclists is 30 feet, since rolling at speed can inadvertently intercept a cough, sneeze or talk faster than those who walk. Epidemiologists advise covering eyes, mouth and nose. Double thick cloth masks and m-frame safety glasses join gloves and helmets as essential cycling apparel.

Blog neglect “pendemic” parallels outbreak of pandemic, but not because author was sick. During a disease outbreak dare one delve into local detours? COVID-19-SARS did cause worst recession on record in England, but has also had a devastating effect on Rhode Island in particular among other American states. Ocean State economy already weak, work closures resulted in massive joblessness, worse than The Great Depression 90 years ago, which lasted for a decade with a peak of 25% unemployment. Policy miscalculations let most jobs revolve around badly hit government, small businesses, and service industries. Yet pandemic hardly affected banking, construction, home repair, insurance, laboratory, landscaping, manufacturing, mining, pharmaceuticals manufacture, road maintenance, and such crucial sectors as supermarket sales, though elective doctor and hospital visits were severely curtailed, so many medical layoffs occurred, while manufacturers of durable goods all but suspended operations. Consequently, availability and choice of major appliances has declined while prices have skyrocketed. Epidemics display total contempt for profit motives, in fact, target greedy along with aged, careless, homeless, poor, stupid, and those who think threat isn't real. Pundits recommend saving for a rainy day and staying home for good reasons.

Never a time out, less traffic offered RIDOT an opportunity to repave highways and secondaries, and restore bridge underpinnings. When departments of transportation repave streets they restripe them, as well. Federal and state laws mandate equal accommodations for all users; roads must allow for bicycling, walking and wheelchair use. To remove road shoulders or skip curb reliefs is to violate ADA and CFRs. When infection threatens, not taking public transportation and relying on self could save your life.

League of American Bicyclists rates cities through their Bicycle Friendly America program, but among Little Rhody's cities only Newport earned any mention, third class, based on biased reporting by advocates there. Providence, which lately has had more bike-centric boosts, was entirely snubbed. At least People for Bikes recognized state’s “speed of infrastructure improvement” over last few years, which still only garnered a 2.9 overall rating. With a post-contagion outlook, planners and street repainters might overlook guidelines already in the book.

Self improvement, street amendment and survival investment are interdependent. To do nothing is to die. Body needs to exercise though it loves rest, resists exertion, and screams, “No more reps!” Roads made more dangerous by limiting cycling and stealing shoulders for unnecessary lanes endanger lives and scare away self propellers. People balk at spending thousands of dollars on a bike when they think they can’t safely ride them. Yet state does have 100 miles of dedicated bike paths, more miles in signed neighborhood routes, and thousands of road miles recommended by RIDOT and vetted by bicyclists. Click here for 2020 construction status, but note no new projects are underway except for two bridges in Western Coventry. Wouldn't be a big deal to turn over swaths of soil alongside bikeways so cyclists passing by could sow wildflower seeds. Goal should be to link all infrastructure with shared roads and wide shoulders. Issues arise with what’s best to do, who has jurisdiction - federal, private, state or town - and who must pay. Healthcare costs taxpayers trillions annually, an enormous expense worth reducing. Cardiovascular and cancerous ills, both preventable via bicycles, still cost and kill more than infectious diseases ever will.

All road funding comes from a combination of sources, mainly government grants matched by local tax revenue. Delays in updating streets for all users impacts funding. Feds may deny or divide grants, or impose fines that residents have to pay. You might be outraged to know officials not only force you to abide outdoor restrictions but it comes at your own expense. Certain parties lobby leaders for these policies because it hastens the transfer of money from you to them. Weren’t family losses, economic recession, pandemic protocols, and supreme sacrifices already too much to bear without pure greed forcing bureaucratic decisions in favor of autocratic ambitions? Pawns greatly outnumber kings and resent being treating as toys or trophies. 

Don’t toss the baby out with the bathwater come election time. Support any politician no matter how repulsive who arranges progressive changes for a healthy alternative. Meanwhile, go forth safely and sensibly for fresh air and sunshine in style. 

Famous For What?

As this blog is shaping up as a series of lists, followed through with another describing what Rhode Island is best known for:

Cabinets & Grinders: Not at all what you think, they mean something different to locals than power tools or wooden caseworks. "Cabinets" describe milkshakes (often coffee ice cream, syrup and milk, always blended), whereas grinders are elongated sandwiches, otherwise known as “submarines”, subs for short. During last century Italian immigrants set up shops near shipyards and assembled these torpedo shaped lunches. They called shipbuilders who ground rivets “grinders”, and somehow the name transferred to the sandwiches with which they stuffed their faces, though some argue teeth needed to eat these chewy monsters had to be the real grinders, thus the name. Lexicographers also dispute the origin of cabinet; some say it had to do with the blender being stored in a wooden cabinet at pharmacy’s fountain. But it could be a bastardization of the word “carbonate”. Rhode Islanders speak in an odd dialect, a cross between Boston and Brooklyn, that confuses an “r” with an “ah” sound and vice versa; for example, chowder, a kind of soup, is pronounced “chowdah”, whereas idea is “ideer”. So ordering an ice cream soda may have sounded like “cahbinat”. Speaking of ships, Narragansett Bay and Rhode Island Sound reputably have more wrecks per square mile than anywhere on either coast. During WWII, Kaiser Shipyards in Fields Point hung massive signs that read, “On to Nippon”. Ironically, by the 1970’s, Field’s Point became a major port for unloading cars imported from Germany and Japan. Maybe that’s why the generation before held onto gruesome August holiday Victory (VJ) Day, only celebrated here, which commemorates ending war with Japan by the nuclear destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Celebrities - Actors, authors, composers, filmmakers, rock stars, and sports people have prowled its streets for centuries. Ghosts of H. P. Lovecraft and Edgar Allen Poe haunt Providence’s East Side to tunes by George M. Cohan, Nico Muhly, and Talking Heads. Dozens of movies have been made here. Offspring of A-listers attend area colleges. Venues for MLB, MLS, NBA, NFL and NHL franchises and several farm teams are all within 50 miles. Yet it’s no match for New York, where such sightings are commonplace. And residents can’t claim any credit or glory by mere association.

Firsts - Given its diminutive size, you’d think staying ahead of the curve would be easy: fewer to convince and lower costs to implement. Rhode Island was first to declare independence from and strike a blow against British rule, but last to join other 12 colonies to form The United States. It was, however, the first to ban slave trade at which it formerly excelled. The Blackstone Canal was North America’s inaugural civil engineering project, though the Viking Tower in Newport is believed to be its oldest structure (est., 1120 A.D.). US-1 runs right though, built atop the Boston to New York Highway, nation’s original Post Road. Even older is Great Road, RI’s first, begun in 1683, where Arnold House (stone ender shown in pretty autumn colors increasingly harder to find) can be counted among RI’s half dozen 17th Century homes still standing having survived over 3 centuries of fires and wars. Now that's remarkable; despite modern restoration, they make history palpable along with other architecture from every era.

The industrial revolution started here with Slater’s cotton mill powered by waterwheels in the mighty Blackstone River. Before anywhere else in America, RI judge Darius Baker jailed a motorist for speeding recklessly at 15 mph. Nation's first golf open, jazz festival, lawn tennis tournament, and outdoor polo match were held in RI. United Nuclear in Richmond was the only place in America where a nuclear explosion occurred outside a controlled environment. Adjacent Massachusetts recently garnered firsts for permitting same sex marriages, something Rhode Island’s catholic majority will forever condemn, and providing state sponsored health insurance, which Rhode Island left to abundant insurers once Obama signed it into federal law. Healthcare had already been its fastest growing business sector, rivaling finance, still number one, home to banks and brokerages. Some federal pilot programs were also tried, though nobody seems to remember them. Rhody has yet another chance to be first, to complete its leg of the East Coast Greenway System from Florida to Maine before any other state; only a few miles remain, but will is weak to designate a corridor through Pawtucket and Providence, or link Coventry and Woonsocket to adjacent states, even though ECGS has proven indispensable to commuters. “Hope” heads list as USA's shortest state motto, and "Rhode Island and Providence Plantations" its longest, most controversial name.

Food - Culinary schools, hospitality industry, and resultant restaurants rely mostly on meats and produce provided from elsewhere, though champion pumpkins up to a ton are still grown. Only several dozen dairies, farms, orchards, and ranches remain, and they sell out all too soon. Farm-to-table initiatives and outdoor markets are nevertheless afoot, but drawn as much from CT and MA stock. Coffee milk was made its official drink in 1993, but only 1 local craft roaster makes a caffeine free syrup, and “plantations” never grew coffee beans. Rhode Island does have a greater concentration of colleges within a one hour drive than anywhere in nation, yet illiteracy hovers around 17%, among the nation’s worst, because politicians “import” unschooled Third Worlders, presumably for federal grants and minimum wage servitude.

Huge, interminable, wasteful projects - Over the course of a half century, expensive highway constructions chewed through state revenues like locusts across arid farmlands. First it was the small Greenwood Bridge over AMTRAK, which, for some inexplicable reason, took more than a decade to repair. Similarly, the Cranston Street underpass, but that was tied to Route 10 beltway improvements, which also took nearly a decade and yet seem incomplete. The so-called Q-way between RI-4 and Quonset began as a link from I-95 to a proposed container port, but design flaws meant all overpasses had to be raised for containers to pass beneath. In the end, the 2.5 mile stretch cost more than a quarter of a billion, 10 times more than the national average per highway mile. Meanwhile, a single mile of I-way across the Providence River cost 3 times as much. Similar figures for I-95 bridges across Blackstone River in Pawtucket didn’t deter in the least starting the Viaduct Project, RIDOT’s biggest boondoggle yet. Because they failed to keep up bridge cleaning and painting for decades, those existing deteriorated into a $1 billion unfunded snafu. All key RIDOT officials have been fired and positions are being refilled. Then there were civic and convention centers, sports stadiums, sweetheart deals for business startups, and such assaults on public trust. Taxpayers will be repaying for generations to come.

Jewelry & Sliverware - Indeed, there are 1,000 factories still in existence churning out baubles, bijoux, costume trinkets and toys, but silverware is long gone. Gorham, who fabricated the America’s Cup and served as foundry for 700 notable statues across the continent, may still be in business as a subsidiary of Lennox, but products are manufactured or sourced elsewhere. Empty mills being renovated into retirement living is more typical.

Obscure directions - If asked, long time residents will give you directions based on landmarks that may no longer exist, for example, “Turn past where Almacs used to be.” Luckily, cell towers are plentiful, so mapping via GPS obviates the need to ask the hostile, ignorant or senile.

Political corruption - For decades Federal Hill was the epicenter of New England mob activity. Dozens of lawmakers and at least one mayor have gone to prison because of what they did in office, not just general crimes. However, some endured terms despite miscarriages of justice; locals joke about buying judges. It took citizen advocacy groups like Common Cause to investigate and uncover. Gina Raimondo (shown, left center), one of only six women in the country currently serving as governor, made an unprecedented attempt to end excess pension entitlements and reign in costs. Kleptocracy and the rule by thieves have consequently slowed, though not yet altogether gone. Assets spirited away in a Winnebago could be recovered, but to what end?

Potholes & Road Rage: Boats unload onto train cars. Both construction and neglect impair flow. Highway planners add lanes and eschew tolls. Towns put red lights and stop signs at every intersection after numerous accidents. Truck dispatchers plot cheapest/shortest routes. What results is an interwoven knot, a traffic nexus, that beats alternately baked and frozen pavement to rubble and regularly forces vehicles to slow or stop. Expect to see drivers rolling well below speed limit in left lane, since it may be the only one passable given abundance of damage in lanes most used. This encourages passing on right, a proven hazard that catches blind spot and causes cutoffs. Add rubbernecking tourists who don’t know where to turn and residents who only use interstates to go the few miles between malls, it’s no wonder impatience mounts and vehicles reach turnpike speeds on the few remaining secondaries which resemble phony TV car ads. Some find it faster to bike around during rush hours. Maybe all this keeps housing costs reasonable compared to states adjacent. It often takes an hour on interstate to go the few miles from Attleboro line to Providence or Seekonk line to Washington Bridge. The knot tightens upon Nibbles Woodaway, the World’s biggest bug, and The Vortex, a sci-fi auto zone made real that eats space and time.

Tourism - In the gilded age of robber barons, they built in Newport a bunch of gaudy “cottages” (really rivaling European castles). Once they came under control of a trust, visitors were allowed to enter and gawk. Long ago the state’s capital during its slave trade days, eateries sprung up along Thames Street among Newport's wharves. Airport expansion in Warwick, bridges replacing ferries, legalized gambling at Jai Alai fronton, later Newport Grand casino, and presence of a naval base resulted in Newport becoming one of the nation’s top ten destinations. Rest of state has little to offer apart from bikeways, parks, and perhaps small pockets of charming quaintness, such as Bristol and Wickford, amidst urban blight, waste treatment plants, and working ports. You’d never guess there are over a thousand practicing professional artists, six hundred squeezed in ghost town Pawtucket, because even RISCA holds artists in contempt. A Percent for Art Law exists, whereby 1% of any government project is supposed to be set aside for art adornment, but only 0.01% has actually been allocated since enacted in 1980’s. Almost every installation was awarded to insiders and resulted in controversy, such as birdsong at Kent Courthouse and fine mist at Sundlun Airport Terminal. Even traditional realist bronzes get besmirched by blood, as was Christopher Columbus, heroic explorer and imagined villain. Nevertheless, visitors throng to Waterfire (shown), a tribal celebration along Providence's renovated riverfront, where scores of bonfires are lit in braziers standing above the flow for a delightful but temporary effect, while both live and recorded music blares and buskers and hawkers bust butts for a buck.

Units of Measure: Hardly a day goes by when someone isn't foolishly comparing size of Rhode Island to some other area: Asteroids, bigger cities in other states, regions on remote planets, and whatnot. Some wag combined micron, a basic unit of small measure, with “Rho Dialin”, how residents pronounce state’s name, and so coined the portmanteau “rhodialon” to indicate any vague area, roughly 1212 to 1776 square miles (3140 to 4600 square km), depending upon whether you include Narragansett Bay, which bisects state into so-called East and West Bay. In fairness, since residents designate a loosely defined South County area, there could also be a North Bay section from Providence to Woonsocket, but, obviously, that would seem too sensible, so will never happen. Providence is too high and mighty to get lumped into the likes of “the Bucket” Pawtucket, Lincoln, or “Loony Woonie” Woonsocket, all arguably better places to live despite hype.